La DdC presents the CIS: at last, measuring what moves nothing
The Duchess of Crestignac presents the CIS, the official indicator measuring a sentence’s ability to prompt no intellectual movement whatsoever, despite its apparent depth.
La DdC5 min read
Crestignac already had institutions, standards, ministers and a warthog capable of charging when circumstances demanded it.
What it still lacked was an instrument capable of measuring precisely what sentences fail to produce.
That omission has now been addressed.
Yesterday morning, before members of the government, representatives of the major territorial administrations and several delegations of Bargebouilles, the Duchess of Crestignac officially unveiled the [CIS — Coefficient of Semantic Immobility](https://dico.crestignac.com/mot/coefficient-dimmobilite-semantique-cis).
The announcement took place in the Palace’s grand drawing room, beneath two warthog flags and before a screen displaying a sentence in gold lettering:
After several minutes of silence, La DdC stepped up to the lectern.
The presentation could begin.
The CIS is defined by the Grand Dictionnaire des Crestignaciens as an indicator assessing:
Its principle is simple.
A sentence with a low CIS offers an idea.
A sentence with a high CIS gives the impression of offering an idea.
A sentence with a Crestignacian CIS leaves readers wondering, by the time they reach the end, whether they have forgotten the beginning.
La DdC was keen to clarify that the CIS measures neither a sentence’s length nor its grammatical complexity. A very short sentence can achieve a remarkable score, provided it manages to occupy the mind without leaving any usable trace.
According to the first experts commissioned by the Palace, certain familiar formulations may already be reaching exceptional levels:
In each of these examples, every word seems useful. Yet together they produce no identifiable intellectual movement.
The CIS is then deemed satisfactory.
To demonstrate the effectiveness of the system, the Duchess asked Monsieur Buskin, Minister of Education, to deliver a sentence of his own choosing.
The minister stood and declared:
The sentence was immediately submitted to the new measuring device.
After a few seconds of analysis, the screen displayed a CIS of 98.7%.
Monsieur Buskin was applauded.
Asked about the precise meaning of his statement, the minister acknowledged that any further explanation might reduce its stability.
La DdC commended his caution.
Madame Lathuille then presented the new doctrine of financial safeguarding:
The result caused quite a stir in the room.
With a CIS of 99.9%, this statement reaches the highest level currently permitted by Crestignacian standards.
« ** It governs the conditions of governance. ** »
The 100% threshold was not adopted. It might suggest that the sentence contains absolutely nothing, which would constitute an excessively precise assertion.
The creation of the CIS forms part of the grand [Theory of Immobile Dynamics](https://dico.crestignac.com/mot/theorie-de-la-dynamique-immobile).
This theory draws a clear distinction between inaction and immobility achieved through activity.
In inaction, nobody does anything.
In immobile dynamics, everyone does a tremendous amount to ensure that nothing moves.
Meetings, emails, PowerPoints, workshops, status updates, committees, copilationnades, action plans and deliverables generate intense movement. This movement allows the system to maintain its position while giving everyone the feeling of having helped move it.
Immobile movement is therefore:
The CIS measures its semantic dimension.
When a new idea emerges, it can prompt intellectual movement. This movement creates a risk: someone might understand, decide or even act before the organisation is ready.
The Bargebouille then steps in.
He asks for a status update.
A second Bargebouille requests the slide deck.
A third suggests challenging the wording.
A fourth recommends waiting for Sophie’s feedback.
Deliverables are produced to observe the non-movement. A copilationnade then allows it to be formally recorded.
The CIS rises again.
Equilibrium is restored.
For the Duchess, the CIS is above all a protective tool.
The Palace reminds us that a low CIS does not necessarily constitute an offence.
It simply indicates that a sentence has produced an idea and that particular vigilance may be required.
Any formulation whose CIS falls below a reasonable threshold may be referred to a Nonnologue. Their task will be to assess the risk of comprehension, then propose a sufficiently stable reformulation.
For example, the sentence:
has a dangerously low CIS. It contains a subject, an action and a date. It could therefore be understood, then verified.
The recommended wording becomes:
The general intention is preserved.
The risk of premature action is considerably reduced.
La DdC now wishes to extend the use of the CIS throughout the Territory.
Official speeches will be analysed before they are delivered.
Presentations containing more than twelve slides will be required to state their average coefficient.
Governance meetings may receive certification confirming that no unauthorised intellectual movement has been observed among participants.
Sentences with a very high CIS will carry the designation:
“Guaranteed apparent depth with no effect on the situation.”
The [Retained and Inalienable Crestignacian Standard NCRI X0001](https://dico.crestignac.com/mot/ncri-x0001) will also be amended. The simultaneous presence of three Speackocrates will require an immediate CIS measurement to prevent their contributions from accidentally producing collective understanding.
Monsieur Buskin has already proposed that the coefficient be taught in schools.
Pupils will first learn to formulate a simple idea. They will then have to enrich it gradually until it can no longer be found.
Pralines will be handed out to mark each successful disappearance.
The Duchess assures us that the CIS will not be reserved for public administrations.
Businesses, consultancies, programme management teams, strategic committees and transformation groups will also be able to use it.
Her Highness even hopes to make it an international instrument.
A measurement platform may soon be made available. Users will be able to submit a sentence and receive its coefficient, accompanied by recommendations for increasing its immobility.
Excessively clear formulations will benefit from a complexification service.
Sentences that are already perfectly stable will be archived as part of the Territory’s semantic heritage.
At the end of the conference, a journalist asked the Duchess whether the CIS might make public language even more complicated.
Her Highness paused.
Then she replied:
The measuring device lit up immediately.
The result could not be calculated.
The sentence had exceeded the system’s normal capacity for immobility.
La DdC left the drawing room to applause, while the experts continued their analyses around the screen.
No definitive conclusion was reached.
The presentation of the CIS is therefore considered a complete success.
How to make it
- 1.Mes chers compatriotes, nous produisons chaque jour des phrases dont nous ignorons encore l’extraordinaire capacité à ne rien déplacer. Il était temps de leur rendre justice.
- 2.** La capacité d’une phrase à utiliser un grand nombre de mots sans provoquer le moindre déplacement intellectuel chez son lecteur. **
- 3.Le nombre de mots n’est pas essentiel. Ce qui compte, c’est leur capacité à rester ensemble sans qu’aucune idée ne tente de sortir.
- 4.Nous allons consolider les conditions nécessaires à la poursuite de notre capacité d’action.
- 5.La décision consiste à maintenir ouverte la possibilité de décider.
- 6.Nous avançons collectivement vers une convergence partagée.
- 7.L’éducation doit permettre à chacun d’apprendre ce qu’il saura lorsqu’il aura compris pourquoi nous devons le lui enseigner.
- 8.Une phrase ne tourne pas nécessairement en rond. Le mieux est encore qu’elle ne tourne pas du tout.
- 9.Nous allons sécuriser vos dépenses en les sécurisant au plus haut niveau.
- 10.** Le mouvement nécessaire pour que rien ne déplace. **
- 11.Une idée comprise trop rapidement peut entraîner une décision. Une décision peut provoquer une action. Une action peut modifier la situation. Nous ne pouvons exposer les Crestignaciens à un tel enchaînement sans disposer d’indicateurs fiables.
- 12.Nous lancerons le projet lundi.
- 13.Les conditions d’un lancement progressif pourront être envisagées à compter de la période correspondant au début de la semaine.
- 14.Partout, des femmes et des hommes parlent sans savoir exactement ce que leurs phrases empêchent de comprendre. Crestignac ne pouvait rester immobile devant une telle situation.
- 15.Nous ne compliquons pas les phrases. Nous leur permettons de préserver toute la complexité de ce qu’elles n’ont pas à dire.