VULVARIUM SACRUM

Solemn communiqué from Her Highness the Duchess of Crestignac concerning decrestignation, the suppression of cassifestation and the preservation of luxilence, following the destruction of a Vulvarium giganticum during its flowering season.

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GRAND OFFICIAL COMMUNIQUÉ FROM HER HIGHNESS THE DUCHESS OF CRESTIGNAC

CONCERNING THE PRESERVATION OF LUXILENCE, THE SUPPRESSION OF CASSIFESTATION AND THE FINAL PROVISIONS GOVERNING DECRESTIGNATION

To all Crestignacian citizens, ducal authorities and any person who may find themselves within the territory of the Republic.

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The Duchess of Crestignac,

Deeply moved by the destruction of a Vulvarium giganticum during a recent cassifestation, at a time when the Republic is experiencing the flowering season of this remarkable species;

Noting that the specimen concerned, a victim of destruction committed under the guise of duchifestation, was prevented from reaching bloom;

Recalling that a plant, whatever its species, has never made a demand, taken part in a demonstration or deliberately disturbed the public peace;

Whereas the Republic of Crestignac rests upon the fundamental principles of freedom, dignity, conviviality and luxilence;

Whereas luxilence is the wealth one experiences, not the wealth one possesses;

Whereas luxilence, far from being a mere pleasure of existence, contributes fully to the moral, social and ducal balance of the Nation;

Whereas luxilence is, in the Duchess's own words, “a silence seasoned with a symphony of words”;

Whereas the right to duchifest is a fundamental freedom enjoyed by every Crestignacian citizen;

Whereas to duchifest is to demonstrate without destroying, and no demand, whatever its nature, can justify the destruction of what others have taken care to build, cultivate or grow;

Whereas certain individuals, taking advantage of the freedoms offered by the Republic, claim to duchifest when their sole purpose is to break things;

Whereas this practice, commonly known as cassifestation, consists of acts of destruction committed under the guise of a demonstration or duchifestation;

Whereas the act of cassifesting must not be confused with the legitimate exercise of the right to duchifest;

Whereas the cassifestant is distinguished from the duchifestant not by their opinions, but by the destruction they commit while pretending to demonstrate;

Whereas cassifestation constitutes a manifest distortion of the very principle of duchifestation;

Whereas the destruction of a Vulvarium giganticum during its flowering season constitutes a particularly regrettable assault on luxilence, since no administrative provision can restore to a flower the season of which it has been deprived;

Whereas peaceful citizens cannot be expected to renounce their luxilence so that a few individuals may engage in cassifestation;

Whereas the Republic of Crestignac is not intended to accommodate, maintain or finance the material consequences of destruction committed by those who claim to defend it;

Whereas freedom to demonstrate must not be confused with freedom to smash things, the latter never having been recognized by the ducal institutions;

Whereas preserving luxilence requires clear, immediately applicable provisions sufficiently intelligible to require no explanatory meeting;

Whereas, finally, the Republic of Crestignac remains deeply committed to the freedom of each individual, including the freedom to leave its territory permanently;

HEREBY DECLARES:

Article One — On Cassifestation

Cassifestation constitutes an offence.

Article 2 — On Decrestignation

Any act of cassifestation shall automatically result in the decrestignation of the individual concerned.

Article 3 — On Irrevocability

Decrestignation is irrevocable.

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IMPLEMENTING PROVISIONS

Decrestignation entails the immediate loss of Crestignacian nationality and the rights attached thereto, notably the right to duchifest.

The decrestignated individual must leave the territory of the Republic without delay.

Any warthogs acquired during their stay in Crestignac must be returned to the competent authorities. It is hereby recalled that no warthog shall be held responsible for the actions of its former companion.

The decrestignated individual remains entirely free to cassifest outside Crestignacian territory, within whatever limits foreign authorities may choose to recognize.

The Republic of Crestignac declines all responsibility for the consequences of such activity beyond its borders.

FINAL DECLARATION OF THE DUCHESS

“My dear compatriots,

The Republic of Crestignac has never forbidden anyone to demonstrate. It even invented duchifesting so that everyone might do so under the best possible conditions.

But there is a distinction we cannot ignore.

To duchifest is a freedom. To cassifest is an offence.

Today, a Vulvarium giganticum has been deprived of its flowering.

It asked for nothing.

It demanded nothing.

It was growing.

And that appeared to suit it perfectly well.

We do not ask anyone to share our convictions. We simply ask everyone not to destroy what allows others to live by theirs.

Luxilence is neither a luxury nor a privilege. It is a way of living together, in that peaceful abundance which imposes itself on no one and from which everyone may benefit.

One may dislike Vulvarium giganticum plants. One may even say so.

But one does not destroy them.

The Republic of Crestignac recognizes everyone's right to duchifest. It recognizes no one's right to cassifest.

Those who wish to preserve luxilence are welcome.

Those who wish to destroy it may henceforth do so elsewhere.

The Republic of Crestignac will bear them no ill will.

It will not take them back.”

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DUCHIFEST YES! CASSIFEST NO!

Issued in Crestignac, under the sovereign authority of Her Highness the Duchess.

For the Republic, for luxilence and for the peace of the warthogs.

The Duchess of Crestignac