YO, I MEGA-LOVED POMPUDOI

A school trip to the Centre Pompidou reveals unexpected advances in the French spoken by the CrestigniaKind.

And yet the day had begun so well.

On Tuesday morning, forty-two pupils from the territorial secondary school in Crestignac were taken to Paris on an educational outing devoted to modern art.

At 10:17 a.m., the group entered the Centre Pompidou.

By 10:23 a.m., several pupils were already saying they had “seriously mega-loved the paintings at Pompudoi”.

The accompanying teacher, who had initially suspected a speech impediment, soon realised that this was a favourable opinion.

The visit was therefore able to continue.

According to several witnesses, the pupils appeared particularly receptive to the works on display.

One reportedly spent almost four minutes in front of a canvas before declaring:

A classmate is said to have confirmed:

The French teacher, who was also present, reportedly tried to elicit a few further details.

None were forthcoming.

Their aesthetic approval was nevertheless deemed unanimous.

The Ministry of Education welcomed this encounter between the young people of Crestignac and their cultural heritage.

Mr Buskin notably reiterated that “access to culture was one of the essential foundations of education, provided it did not require too much explanation”.

The ministry’s satisfaction was, however, tempered by one detail.

A few hours before arriving at the museum, several pupils had taken part in a secondary-school protest during which a nearby shopfront had been damaged.

Asked about the incident, one participant wished to put events into context.

The statement prompted several minutes of silence.

Not because of its content.

Everyone had understood perfectly.

It was the way it was constructed that raised questions.

Asked to look into the matter, the Ministry of Education commissioned several specialists to analyse the statement.

Their conclusions were reassuring.

Wech, or “yo”, clearly signalled the opening of communication.

Kiffouiller clearly expressed a greater degree of appreciation than kiffer: “mega-love” rather than merely “love”. The term, now listed in the Dictionnaire crestignacien (https://dico.crestignac.com/mot/kiffouiller), even boasts a full conjugation — including the heritage form: “Nous kiffouillâmes.”

Pompudoi unambiguously referred to the Centre Pompidou.

As for manif lycéene, or “schoolkid protest”, there seemed no possibility of confusing it with any other historical event.

Only the verb conjugation presented a few difficulties.

These were swiftly dismissed, since no one had needed it to understand the sentence.

Mr Buskin immediately drew the necessary conclusions.

Informed of this discovery, the Duchess of Crestignac asked whether the pupils had understood one another.

The answer was yes.

She then asked whether the adults had understood the pupils.

Again, the answer was yes.

The President then wished to know why the ministry continued to teach them a manifestly more complicated form of French.

No satisfactory answer could be provided.

The ministry is now considering a substantial simplification of the French curriculum.

Verb conjugation, in particular, could become optional whenever the context allows the time frame to be guessed.

Spelling would be retained wherever it did not unduly slow down the writing process.

As for vocabulary, pupils will be encouraged to invent whatever words they lack, provided someone has a rough idea of what they are talking about.

This new form of French could soon receive official recognition under the name CrestigniaKind.

On leaving the Centre Pompidou, the pupils were asked about this possible reform.

One of them summed up the general feeling:

The ministry considers the consultation favourable.

La DdC — Crestignac

The situation has not changed. This proves we have it under control.