Her Highness Sets the Salaminouilles’ Hips Swaying

Crestignac thought it was attending a concert. It ended up witnessing a constitutional event.

Last night, before a considerable crowd gathered in the Territory’s main square, Saliman performed for the first time with the Salaminouilles, his official troupe of male and female dancers. The show was intended to celebrate contemporary creativity, choreographic diversity and the gradual return of movement within the limits prescribed by protocol.

No one could then have imagined that the Duchess of Crestignac would take to the stage herself.

Dressed in an ivory suit and a midnight-blue blouse, Her Highness had initially taken her seat in the official stand. She listened to Saliman with that superior attentiveness which allows her to appear deeply engaged without compromising the stability of her face.

But from the opening bars of L’Art me manque, a tremor was observed in the vicinity of her right foot.

The protocol office initially suspected a muscular incident. The official physician was notified. Several advisers proposed the immediate creation of a commission to examine the possibility of an involuntary movement.

It was already too late.

At Saliman’s invitation, the Duchess rose, crossed the stage and joined the singer to cheers from the audience.

After a few gestures of institutional restraint, Her Highness embarked upon a sway of the hips that was moderate in amplitude but politically undeniable.

The Salaminouilles briefly interrupted their choreography before realising that movement now came from above. Men and women immediately resumed dancing around La DdC, giving rise to the first vertical choreography in Crestignac’s history.

The Duchess’s declaration prompted an ovation lasting several minutes. Saliman, visibly moved, tried to continue the song, but had to restart the chorus three times to preserve his ability to finish it.

The Ministry of Stability was quick to reassure the population.

In a statement issued during the concert, it specified that La DdC’s hip-swaying could not be interpreted as a challenge to the motionless dynamic.

According to experts, Her Highness’s pelvis reportedly moved alternately to the right and to the left, returning each time to its initial position. The observed movement would therefore have caused no lasting displacement.

The CIS — Coefficient of Semantic Immobility — remains at 99.9%.

Madame Sylvie Lathuille, Minister of Labour, praised a demanding performance while reminding everyone that no rehearsals were to be held during working hours.

Madame Sacha Miseri, Minister of Finance, indicated for her part that the concert had cost the taxpayer nothing, all expenditure having been transferred to future generations.

Monsieur Buskin, Minister of Education, proposed that hip-swaying be taught from primary school onwards, allowing children to master the basics before using their hips.

At the end of the show, the Duchess bestowed upon Saliman the title of Supreme Master of the Missing Arts and the Sustained Hip-Sway.

The Salaminouilles were also recognised as Crestignac’s official choreographic corps. Their mission will henceforth be to make visible what is missing, to dance what cannot be explained and to accompany speeches whose duration exceeds normal capacities for comprehension.

Saliman thanked Her Highness in perfectly fluent Crestignenglish:

The Duchess is said to have replied:

The concert ended with The Yes Needs the No, sung by the entire crowd. Those in favour of yes sang the refrain. Supporters of no provided the backing vocals, demonstrating once again that yes needed no in order to prevail over no.

La DdC left the stage shortly after midnight.

Her pelvis, however, is said to have stayed a few minutes longer.

La DdC — The Duchess’s Magazine